


The First Title Was Really Cheesy, So I Gave It A New Title That's Just As Bad-by Fall Out Boy

by fieryrainbow



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Annie Leonhart - Freeform, Anxiety, Armin Arlert - Freeform, Band, Bertholdt Fubar - Freeform, Character Death, Cheesy, Child Abuse, Connie Springer - Freeform, Dark, Death, Depression, Divorce, Drinking, Drug Use, Emo, Emotional Abuse, Eren Jaeger - Freeform, Eren and Jean fight over who gets to be lead singer, Erwin Smith. Trigger Warnings: Self harm, F/F, F/M, Gang Violence, Gender, Hanji Zoe - Freeform, Homophobia, Jean kirschtein - Freeform, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, Levi and Erwin are definitely gonna fuck, Levi will probably have a daddy fetish even though he is a dad, Love, M/M, Mental Illness, Multi, Music, Parent Death, Petra Ral - Freeform, Physical Abuse, Questioning, Questioning Sexuality, Rape, Romance, Sad, Sasha Blouse - Freeform, Self Harm, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Social Anxiety, Societal Norms, Suicide, angsty eren, death of best friend, domestic abuse, gender questioning, historia reiss - Freeform, marco bott - Freeform, mikasa ackerman - Freeform, parental neglect, reiner braun - Freeform, runaways - Freeform, this is basically some cheesy angsty band au, this is what I start writing when I'm bored. Characters: Eren Jaeger, ymir - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 13:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6756466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fieryrainbow/pseuds/fieryrainbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary in notes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The One Where It All Started

**Author's Note:**

> I had so much trouble choosing between future erejean or future jeankasa. There will be many shits and giggles.
> 
> Eren Jaeger, going through the years of teenage angst and hormones, finds the world fucked and is angry about it. He gathers some close friends to join him in quitting school and starting an 'emo' band. Mikasa Ackerman and her father, Levi, have been through hell and back when her mother died, and even with her godparent Hanji's help, she's still dealing with the effects as well as society's effects on her state as a woman. Jean Kirschtein lost both himself and his best friend three years ago and still blames himself and the world. When he joins the band just to get closer to the girl he's loved since the third grade, who's in love with the biggest pain in his ass, he begins to regret it. Connie Springer is a warm, outgoing individual. Nobody would guess that behind the mask he's terrified both for himself and his girlfriend's wellbeing. Armin Arlert has been Eren's best friend for as long as he can remember and supports him wholeheartedly on the band. But he quickly bonds with all the band members and begins putting their issues before his own. Still coping with the death of his wife, Levi reluctantly takes the position of band manager to support his daughter, but brings his best friend Hanji in, who enthusiastically manages the band unofficially. When a powerhouse band shows up, made up of Historia, Ymir, Annie, Bertholdt and Reiner, it adds a competitive edge. And when Levi meets Erwin, the opposing band's manager, more tensions rise. Be prepared for sad and triggering shit. Like, seriously, this story is fucked. Heavily inspired by the emo trinity of Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance and Panic! At The Disco, as well as by Imagine Dragons and Sleeping with Sirens.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basic, boring pilot.

     Jean Kirschtein sat in his civics class, bored out of his mind and about to fall asleep. He got no sleep the night before, waking from nightmares every time he got some shut eye. This had been reality for him for almost three years now. He'd stopped actually trying in school about a month after it happened, and was now only attending so his parents wouldn't kick him out of their basement. He couldn't tell them what happened, he couldn't tell anyone. People would judge him, they'd blame him. He knew it was his fault, he didn't need more people telling him. The panic attacks and suicidal tendencies were enough. Panic! At The Disco had a whole new meaning to him. About to nod off again, he jolted upright at the feeling of something hitting his neck. He reached into his hood to find a crumbled paper ball. Inside was the messy scrawl "Jean, quit school with me and join my band. And bring eyeliner. It's an emo band." He turned his head to see Eren Jaeger, wide eyed and waving, decked out in black, jeans ripped, jacket ripped, combat boots, clunky bracelets, chains, colorful streaks in his hair. The definition of an emo fashion try hard. With the teacher facing the other direction, Jean flipped him off, mouthing the words, "Fuck off, Jaeger." He returned to his notes to receive another message seconds later. "Mikasa'll be in it." He looked back at Eren who had a stupid looking grin on his face, made an exaggerated groan, and scribbled "fine" throwing the ball back to him. He had planned to return to his notes and talk after class, but instead Eren jumped out of his seat, giving a victory yell and running over to him, shouting "Yeah, Kirschtein! Fuck this place, let's go scream our heads off!" He ran out the door, and Jean waved awkwardly to the hundred pairs of eyes staring at him before following behind.  
     "What the fuck was that, Eren?!" He yelled at the shorter man.  
"Woo! I'm pumped, man! You play guitar, right?  
     "Well, yeah, but-"  
"Sweet! You can do guitar, Mikasa can do bass and keyboard, Connie can do drums, and I can sing!"  
     "Woah, wait! Why do you get to sing?!"  
"Because I started the band, dumdum!"  
     "Okay, but I'm the better singer here."  
"No you're not!"  
     "You wanna bet?!"  
     Eren was about to say something when Mikasa and Connie appeared behind him, Mikasa tugging on his shirt sleeve. "Eren." She said.  
     Eren turned his head to see her. Jet black hair in a pixie cut fashion, a black hoodie and black skinny jeans contrasting her porcelain pale skin and red converse. She looked horribly skinny, to the point it scared Jean, but fuck if he didn't still love her to pieces. As if to rub it in his face, Eren turned to kiss Mikasa's cheek gently. Another reason to avoid school and his number one reason not to join Eren's band. "Hey, Mikas-"  
     "You and Jean should audition for lead singer," she spoke bluntly, watching Eren's face contort.  
"Why? I'm the one who started the band! I should sing!"  
     "What about Pete Wentz? He's not Fall Out Boy's lead singer," Connie pitched in, hoping to see a fight.  
"Shut up, Connie!" Eren shouted angrily. "Fine! We'll show off a bit and Connie and Mikasa can judge."  
     "That isn't fair at all! You know Mikasa will choose you!"  
"Why? Are you scared? Are you not good enough?"  
     "Fine, let's bring in some impartial judges then."  
"Okay, I'll call up Armin," Eren said, bringing his phone out. Armin was a lot more impartial than he'd like to admit. Sure, it was his best friend, but Armin admitted to having his eye on Jean for awhile.  
     "That's not impartial! Fine. Connie, do you think your girlfriend would want to be a part of this?"  
"Sasha? Yeah, she loves watching self conscious men make fools of themselves," he joked, pulling out his phone from his short pockets and dialing her up. "Let's meet at my mom's coffee shop, she won't care."

 

     Jean nearly threw up when Sasha walked in revealing her and Connie's matching 'I'm with stupid' shirts. They were way too perfect for each other, honestly. They met up with a small kiss and respective gags from Eren and Jean. Sasha was honestly actually adorable, with her red hair pulled back into a loose ponytail and her bright smile she wore so often it could have been painted on. She and Connie were both best friends and a couple, both insanely airheaded and goofy. "Alright Con, what's all this singing I heard about?" She asked, rubbing his bald head teasingly. Even her voice sounded like the sweet, bubblegum pop girl she was.  
     "These losers, Eren and Jean, can't choose who sings best, so once Armin gets here," he trailed off as the blond coconut could be seen bobbing up to the door. "Well, speak of the devil," he smiled as Armin stumbled in, panting and sweating through his tee and onto his hoodie, wiping his hands on his jeans.  
     "I heard Jean was going to sing?" He asked, out of breath but excited.  
"Did you fucking run here?"  
     "It's good exercise." Armin was naive enough to think nobody knew he had a bit of a crush on the boy with the undercut. Especially on said boy's voice. Hell, even Jean himself could tell, but at this point didn't care enough to address the problem, instead pretending not to notice.  
     "Right, okay, let's do this shit," Sasha enthused, bringing out the microphone she hid behind her back.  
"What?! How'd you get that?!" The baldie swiped the microphone from her hand, passing it off to Eren.  
     "I stole it from the screamo practice set up in your room."  
"Shut up, we don't talk about that," he mumbled, pretending to pout.  
     "Anyways," Eren mused, attempting to direct the conversation away from death metal. "What songs are we singing?"  
"Whatever song you want, I don't give a fuck." Connie spoke directly as Sasha spoke up.  
     "You know what, lately I've heard all these bands, let's play shit from Fall Out Boy," she giggled, directly referencing the drunk history video.  
"Oh my god Sasha you make that joke every other day."  
     "Ah hush, baldie."  
"I am hurt."  
     "Okay can you guys shut the fuck up so we can get this over with?" Eren grumbled, being the usual grouch he was. "I'll go first, and remember, impartialty."

 

     "I can't fucking believe you guys," he grumbled to his friends.  
"You told us to be impartial," Mikasa's voice came out as little more than a mumble.  
     "Yeah, but that doesn't mean letting horseface win!"  
     "I'm starting to think you call me that because you want to ride me," Jean retorted from a few feet away to a number of laughs, a grumble from Eren and Connie doing a tsundere Eren impression, complete with a 'b-baka'.  
     This shit was the only reason Jean was still alive, honestly. Just the stupid and goofy things they did together as friends. Just eating lunch in the art room and being dumb for shits and giggles. Defending food from a thieving Sasha, purposely pissing Eren off. He wasn't sure why, it just made him happy. They were good friends, honestly. They didn't even know what happened but every single one of them still put in effort to see him in the hospital after a suicide attempt. The six of them were a squad and he loved it. Mikasa was the reluctant squad mother, Connie and Sasha were the ones making sure silence didn't get noticed, Armin chilled everyone out, Eren was the one with all the squad ideas and, surprisingly, Jean was the one who kept them all together, just through mutual support for him.  
     Connie and Sasha were sitting on the floor with their legs wrapped around each other's waists like the gross couple they are, making up secret handshakes and playing partner hand games like Concentration. Eren and Mikasa sat leaning against the stage, holding hands or some shit, Jean was hanging off the stage upside down and on his phone, and Armin, being the slight control freak he was, was standing and pacing, trying to seriously figure out this band shit. It didn't help much that Jean, Eren and the springles twins were still goofing off like usual.  
     "Okay, we need some sort of manager or something," Armin spoke aloud, slightly exasperated.  
"I could probably get my dad to do it," Mikasa spoke up. "He needs some way to get his mind off things anyways."  
     "Alright, your dad is Levi, right?" The black hair bobbed as she nodded at Armin's question.  
"So Jean, how we doing this song writing thing?" Eren popped into the conversation. "I'm shit at lyrics and you're shit at writing music for lyrics. You want to just give me what you write and I'll give it some music?"  
     "So, Fall Out Boy style? Works for me." He was pretty much zoning out, looking at his phone as Mikasa spoke up. He'd never heard her talk so much in a day.  
"Levi is reluctant. He said if we give him a track as an example of our work, he'll think about it."  
     "So we need to impress your dad? Well, we're fucked," Eren exclaimed, punching a wall dramatically.  
"We're not fucked," Jean attempted to reason with him. "We just need a song to move Levi Ackerman."


	2. The One With The Writer's Block

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa helps Jean with writing a song to move her dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> -Somewhat graphic description of suicide attempt  
> -Reference to Jean's genitals  
> -Self harm talk  
> -9/11 talk
> 
> Original song by My Chemical Romance https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mFmEt1NA9E0

     It had been days since they had decided to start the band and nobody had seen or heard from Jean within that time. Of all of them, his mental state was definitely the most fragile. He'd accumulated ten weeks of hospitalization this year alone. Mikasa seemed the most upset about it and worried for him of all of them, which was surprising considering she barely showed emotion at all. She just hated the idea that even with the great group of friends he had he was still this unbearably alone. The first time he attempted suicide was three years ago and to this day none of them knew what had happened to make him go from the happy, sarcastic asshole that they never thought they would miss to the utterly broken man he was now. If she was being honest, Mikasa missed the real Jean so much. Even when directed towards Eren, as for whatever reason it was never directed towards her, his sass and sarcasm managed to put a smile on her face of all people. Not that what happened mattered. He was still one of their best friends, and immediately they all took responsibility to help him in any way they could. Jean's mother was close to Eren's, so he would find out through her when Jean was hospitalized and spread it through the group quickly. Of their own volition, everybody managed to visit him every time, often more than once, and they tried to all be there together when he was discharged. They did their best to remind him he wasn't alone in this. They took turns checking on him when there was reason to be concerned, and this time she nearly jumped at the offer, volunteering immediately.  
     But now, standing in front of the small family home, she was starting to regret it. There had been many times before where whoever was checking on him would walk into a suicide attempt and have to call emergency services. The thought of finding that today sent shivers down her back, and walking into the house after no response to her knocking, memories of the only time she'd walked into it flooded back to her mind. Buckets of blood had poured from the cuts that extended from his wrists to his elbows. She didn't even know what to tell the emergency services when she called, she couldn't even form words. He had leaned against the peeling yellow wallpaper of the bathroom and he looked so fragile, like a paper snowflake, so easily cut and torn. It was then that she noticed how thin and malnourished he looked, and his eyes were sunken in and glassy, tears staining his cheeks. He looked pale enough to be a ghost.  
     That bathroom frequently occurred in her nightmares, with the nauseating scent of the bleach they used to get out blood stains. She wasn't particularly religious, but she prayed to any deity she could think of that it hadn't happened again today before heading downstairs to the basement.  
     She was surprised and ever so relieved to find him in the corner, staring at a blank page in a notebook and sitting surrounded by crumpled up balls of paper. "Jean," she spoke softly, receiving no attention from it. "Jean!" His head shot up in surprise, visibly relaxing when he saw it was her. He was extremely pale which only contrasted with and increased the intensity of the sickly dark bags under his eyes. He looked awful, but at least he was alive. She attempted to look casual as she power walked over to him, sitting next to him and immediately wrapping her arms around him. Not romantically, of course, more of a relieved hug or a 'this could be the last time I see you' hug. It was more for her than anything else.  
     "Hey, Mika," he mumbled through a yawn, using her childhood nickname like it was a normal occurrence.  
"Jean, are you alright?"  
     "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"  
"God dammit, Jean, you had me and everyone else scared to death, you little shit," she spoke harshly, contradicting to her hugging him again.  
     "No, yeah, I'm fine...just writing lyrics for that song."  
"Have you slept or even eaten since we last saw you?"  
     "I don't really know..."  
     She shook her head as though she couldn't believe he'd be so stupid. "Go shower. I'll fix your bed with new sheets and when I get back if you don't respond I will come in there myself to witness a full moon." She expected something along the lines of a sarcastic 'yes mom', instead receiving only a mumble as he got up and went into the bathroom. She waited until she heard the shower running to change his sheets, using warm ones fresh from the dryer. She set a Camelbak straw water bottle on the bedside table and even changed the batteries of his night light, knowing well how afraid of the dark he was. She grabbed the fluffiest pair of pajamas she could find in his drawers before returning to the bathroom. "Jean?" She knocked briskly. No answer. "Jean, you in there?" She asked, more anxious this time with a sharper knock. Nothing. "Jean, I'm coming in," she alerted, opening the door to be greeted by the bleach smell accompanied with the memory of the room in her mind. She set the pajamas on the counter before pulling back the shower curtain, avoiding looking at anything she didn't particularly want to see, to find him leaning against the wall, sleeping. "Jean!" She pushed his shoulder gently, jolting him awake. After the small freak out about privacy and also just being surprised, he calmed down enough to listen to her. "Get out of the shower, I set out pajamas for you," she basically ordered, leaving to stand outside the door and wait, trying to cool down and quicken the paling process so she wasn't so red about what she accidentally saw. So _that's_ what seven inches looked like.  
     Eventually the door opened again, Jean stepping out in the blue pajamas. They were actually pretty big on him, the sleeves dangling past his hands. He looked like a little kid, and kind of adorable. "Come on, Kirschtein," she mumbled, grabbing his wrist gently to be careful with the healing scars she just assumed were there. She led him to his own bedroom, tucking him into bed. "Now sleep," she commanded, turning to leave as he grabbed her wrist, causing her to wince at the friction on healing flesh.  
     "No kiss good night?" He teased.  
     "Good night, Jean," she mumbled, exasperated. She left the room, heading upstairs and making him spaghetti, a filling carb. He went down to check on him every fifteen minutes or so, staying there when she'd finished making him food. Without much else to do, she admittedly found herself examining his sleeping face, brushing the bangs out of his eyes. His brow furrowed, causing lines in his forehead, which she started tracing over with her finger. He was kind of adorable when he was unconscious. Without really thinking about it, she did kiss his forehead, just barely, and his face visibly relaxed after. Even when dreaming he must have felt alone.  
     When he eventually woke up, shocked at first from not expecting her to be right in front of his face, she helped him out of bed and upstairs, serving him his spaghetti.  
     "Don't you want some?" He asked around a mouthful of spaghetti.  
"No. I made it for you, dumdum."  
     There was an awkward silence before he spoke up again. "It hurt when I grabbed your wrist."  
     "Yeah..." she trailed off, a bit ashamed of herself as she lifted her sleeve, revealing a bright red scar, sticking out over the old ones. After everything he did, she felt like a whiny baby showing him this.  
     His face contorted to that of concern. "God dammit, Mikasa, why would you do this?"  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
     "Okay, just promise you won't end up like me?"  
"I promise."  
     "Pinkie swear?" He giggled, balancing his elbow on the table and sticking his pinkie out, just like they used to when they were kids.  
     She rolled her eyes but locked her pinkie with his, shaking it slightly. "So...how's writing lyrics going?" She asked, changing the subject.  
"I sort of have writer's block, I guess," he admitted. "I just can't think of anything to inspire or move your father...can you?"  
     She had one thing in mind, but she hated the thought of talking about it. "Okay, I know something that will move him. When I was ten, my mom, Petra, had worked at the twin towers world trade center. I received a call during school that terrorists had attacked and she died. I couldn't really hold back. I ran home as fast as I could, expecting it to be a dream and my mom to be there, and instead I saw the news broadcast play it again. The first plane, crashing into the building my mom worked in and smoke rising from it. Over and over and over again." She had to stop. She refused to cry in front of him.  
     Jean stood quickly, crossing to the other side of the table and hugging her tight. "God...I'm sorry, Mika."  
"It's okay," she assured, actually extremely appreciative of his comfort. "But if you want to move my dad, now you know how."

     As they sat in wait for feedback from her father, she noticed just how nervous everyone was. Feet tapping, thumb fidgeting and nail biting, a killer combo. She was calm. They worked hard to make it sound good and with the lyrics Jean had written, there was no doubt in her mind her father was moved.  
     When he reemerged with puffy red eyes, she was sold. She jumped up, rushing to wrap her father in a hug as he spoke. "I don't know how, but you moved me. Keep making songs like that and I'll support you however I can," he spoke with a soft smile, rare for Levi, as he threw to Jean the CD with the single track: Skylines and Turnstiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give me criticism! Next chapter you get to learn all about my baby Jean.


End file.
